Ask Erin: I Think Sobriety Is Killing My Marriage

Again, in med school, I sought out and found friends who partied just like me. Part of this process is helping addicts come to terms with the fact that their lives don’t immediately become better once they stop using chemicals. Clients in recovery must take responsibility for and deal with the aftermath of events that occurred while they were still using drugs or alcohol. It was not their choice to use while they were in the cycle of addiction, but the harm caused to relationships with intimate partners, family members, and close friends still needs to be dealt with.

Anger, sadness, guilt, shame, feeling unappreciated, feeling frustrated: All are common experiences in recovery, and all can be strong triggers to drink. Each can also be exacerbated by any slip-ups that occur in recovery, which can lead to a difficult cycle.

I did not need to study very hard for tests to ace them. By my junior year, I was taking all honors classes and easily passing them, putting me near https://ecosoberhouse.com/ the top of my class. I had one influential mentor, my physiology teacher, who encouraged me to pursue an education in the sciences, perhaps medicine.

The Michael Palmer, MD Medical Student Health Lecture Series

Some women choose abusive partners in early recovery because they lack discernment or grew accustomed to being treated poorly in childhood. The dissatisfaction they feel in their relationships is often the stressor that led to their drug abuse in the first place. Contrary to what a lot of people think – that an addict’s job is the first thing to go – drug use shows up first in the dysfunction of the addict’s relationships. Most recovering addicts have a long history of dysfunctional and destructive relationships. Early in recovery, relationships are one of the leading causes of relapse.

Sometimes people discover who they really are in recovery and grow apart. Others find the burden is too heavy and decide to end their relationships. I don’t think my husband and I ever really knew each other until I got sober. So we had that part to work through. My pregnancy added an additional challenge to the recovery process.

Choosing Unhealthy Partners.

Here I was in an expensive treatment center insurance wouldn’t cover, and I was not earning an income, but rather accumulating expenses as a partner in our corporation. I couldn’t see how important it was for me to separate myself from outside stresses so I could focus on me. I needed to concentrate not so much on what needed to be changed in the world as on what needed to be changed in me.

marriage problems after sobriety

Addicts can be very good at persuading family members that an episode where they were under the influence was an isolated one and that it will never happen again. Unfortunately, it always happens again in the case of someone living with an addiction. Both women said Maggie’s addiction began to fray their relationship. Amy had begged Maggie countless times to stop marriage problems after sobriety drinking, but even after she started going to AA meetings regularly, Maggie said her addiction always managed to overpower her. These are incredibly difficult problems to surmount and sometimes divorce is inevitable. But when spouses are willing to do the hard work of addiction recovery and rebuilding, there can be hope that a marriage can beat the odds.

Relationships with Dr. Jankovich: Marital Problems After Sobriety

My husband had his own battles which are not mine to tell. But we fell into an unstable place. I’d have to chug half a bottle of hard cider and chain smoke 2 or 3 cigarettes before I could feel like a person again. Someone who’s stress levels weren’t spiked by chaos, culture clashes, and kamikaze drivers.

And then once I stopped drinking, and sort of changed my interactions, it really dissipated. If you’re reading this, it’s likely because your spouse is struggling with addiction. While there may be some correlation between a successful marriage and sobriety, partners entering recovery can also learn to get healthy together. It’s tough when one spouse is sober, and the other is not. But it’s not impossible to make things work.

It’s a trait that he sharpened while in recovery, and it’s a significant reason why he’s finally found so much success staying sober. Read about their journeys, and learn how drug abuse treatment has played different but essential roles in their lives. Drug and alcohol addiction stories are usually shadowed by short, faceless segments on the news.

Is sobriety more than just not drinking?

It's about a reorientation of life. Living Sober is more than just not drinking – it's about finding a new sense of hope and purpose in life, new practises, and new sources of enjoyment in a community that shares your outlook on life.

When one partner decides to change their behavior (quit using drugs and alcohol), it causes ripples throughout the family system. This can be disruptive, even if the change made was positive. Some couples can thrive immediately after the addicted partner becomes sober. If your partner is recovering from addiction, the process can come with challenges, and it may take time to cope with those challenges, but you’re not alone. There are over 40 million people in the U.S. alone living with substance use disorder. And many of those individuals have partners or spouses.